We all feel insecure from time to time. No matter how much we try to tough things out, our insecurity will still show up, making us feel really dumb. At times, we can move on from the experience much easier, at some times, we just don’t, especially when it comes to bedroom performance and other sexually related issues.
Anxieties about whether or not we measure up to expectations, reach orgasm, cum too soon, and others just pop out in our head when we’re supposed to be there and enjoy the sexual intimacy. Instead of giving our best, the fears and worries win and leave us with a not so memorable experience.
If performance anxiety and other insecurities are causing numbing troubles in your sex life, now is the time to finally face all of them head-on. Get your confidence back by putting into action the following tips.
1. Go to bed often
As some wise men say,” the more you do it, the more you get better at it.” Most often, the lack of confidence in yourself arose when you’re with a new partner. You never know what’s in their heads. You don’t know what they’re thinking and expecting. The experience with them is totally new and it’s freaking you out.
In one study, people who had sex every day for two weeks showed remarkable growth in their hippocampus. This part of the brain helps regulate stress levels, which means the more people spend intimate time with each other, the less stressed they become. There’s a spike in their confidence level as they get comfortable with their partner.
Instead of getting overwhelmed by your emotions when meeting a new partner, tell them exactly how you feel. And don’t forget to assure them that you’ll both get better at it when you do it more often.
2. Go slow
Most women prefer slow sex because it can create more intimacy. Slow sex can give you more advantages. It helps you focus on your touch and her responsiveness. Touching different parts of her body will give you some cues as to which part evokes the best response.
In another study, slow sex is associated with better relationships. It’s because slow sex makes partners more comfortable with each other, which enhances their intimacy and emotional connection. In this way, your attention is less focused on your fears and anxieties. Rather, you’d be more in tune with your movements and her response, making you more confident in yourself.
3. Surrender to the experience
Be present; mind, body, and soul. When you’re fully present to the experience and allow yourself to be carried away by your sensuality, you tend to instinctively know the right moves to do. You’ll do things at your own pace. And the worries will just fade away as if they have never been there. Being mindful in the present moment helps you to relax and follow where the experience is leading you.
Experts revealed a link between mindfulness and sex. Women who meditated for three months got aroused much more quickly when shown with racy photos compared to those who don’t.
4. Identify the trigger
Not all people can overcome performance anxiety quickly. There are those who don’t, especially when they’re not aware of the triggers. If you’ve done everything you can to solve your bedroom anxieties but they seem to be an immovable obstacle, you may need external help.
You may ask a professional to help you identify the source of your anxiety. Or, if your partner is supportive, you can ask for their help. If therapy is the best solution, don’t think twice to go for it.
5. Encourage communication
Whether you’re in a short term or long-term relationship, communication is a big help when it comes to bedroom performance. Try to be open with your partner. It might seem awkward at first, but telling your partner about the things you like or don’t like will also encourage them to share their own likes and dislikes. You also don’t know if your partner is also as anxious as you. By being open to each other, you’re both able to manage the sexual encounter in a more comfortable way.
6. Enhance intimacy
Most men are too focused on their performance and penis size during intercourse. What they don’t know is that women want not only their penis but also their presence and their connection. Intimacy means more to women. A woman will fall for you if you’re able to make her feel comfortable and be intimate with her. Once you get her attention, penis size will only become a secondary concern.
One interesting study exposed women’s preference in their sexual encounters. And take note, penis size was not even included at the top of the list. More than half of the women respondents say they want their sexual intercourse to be more romantic while one-third of them say they want more foreplay.
This result clearly shows women look at sex from a more sensuous experience and not specifically on either of their partner’s performance or penis size.
7. Make the best of what you have
Men with fewer inhibitions are able to perform well because they’re less focused on what they lack. If you have a can-do attitude, you’d be more in command of yourself and your actions. Be creative with what you have and use it fully.
8. Don’t rate your sexual performance
One cause of your performance anxiety is to rate yourself based on someone else’s mastery. Stop comparing yourself with others. You’re more likely to sabotage yourself when you think others are much better than yourself and that you have to compete with them.
No one is much better than you when you focus on your own sexual experience. Others even say “performance” is not the best term to use in your sexual encounter. When you say you perform, it’s saying you’re showing something. In sexual intercourse, you’re not showing what you’ve got but giving everything that you are.
9. Don’t worry about what others think
Let others think the way they want. You can’t control their thoughts, anyway. What you’re in control of are your own self and actions. Instead of worrying about what they think, give them a reason to think about you. Give your partner something she can’t forget and that includes sex she always dreamed to have.