Contents
show
Communication is key in any relationship, but there’s one question — and specifically a time when this question is posed — that is one big relationship no-no. Guys, listen closely. Do not, immediately after finishing yourself, ask your significant other or sexual partner if they came. You might be genuinely concerned for their pleasure. It’s easy to get defensive here. But given even extra second for some thought, that’s not how it comes across to her.
Empirical data shows what we already knew from popular culture and stand up comedy from the 1980s and 90s: there’s an orgasm gap. In fact, recent studies show that men orgasm during sexual encounters a whopping 95% of the time while women only reach orgasm on 65% of those occasions. So, now you’re saying to yourself, and me, the anonymous (to you anyway) writer, that’s why we ask, right? To make sure they got there, because you know how less common it is.
You need to know for your own self-satisfaction that you were able to get her there. That you came, you saw, and you conquered. Then there’s how it comes across to her. If you ask during sex, then you’re potentially blowing the moment and her concentration, potentially spoiling the whole thing. If you wait until afterward. Well, then she’s an afterthought. You got yours; did she get hers too? I guess it didn’t really even occur to you to wonder until you were done…. and are generally ill-equipped to do anything about it.
Paying a little lip service produces hormones that lower your stress and anxiety levels. For you and her. And don’t just kiss her on the lips. Take a moment or two to slide down to her neck and maybe a nibble or two at her ear. Studies have shown that the neck is one of the preferred erogenous zones, but don’t overdo it, or she’ll become desensitized and become impatient waiting for whatever’s next.